Disenfranchised Grief
Grief is a normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. It is not limited to death and there are many kinds of grief. I will focus on disenfranchised grief for this blog.
(Here is a link for more about the different kinds of grief)
What is Disenfranchised Grief?
1. When the relationship isn’t acknowledged by others (ex. Loss of an ex spouse)
2. When the loss isn’t acknowledged (ex divorce or loss of a job)
3. When the griever is not acknowledged as someone who is able to grieve (someone very young or old, or intellectually disabled)
4. Circumstances around the death are stigmatized (such as death by overdose, suicide)
In other words, having a significant loss but not feeling like you can publicly mourn, openly acknowledge or receive social support for that loss.
When I learned about this term….I was not only taken aback but I was so relieved. Here was a term that encapsulated everything I had felt throughout my life. What I was feeling, wasn’t just me, it wasn’t something I made up….it is real! It’s Disenfranchised grief!
I will outline a few key points of my experience and pinpoint how disenfranchised grief can be seen in other areas of the triad or adoption kinship network.
As an adoptee, my relationship with my biological mother/first family was not acknowledged as meaningful, after all I had a “better” home, the loss of my mother and my culture wasn’t acknowledged because I had “more opportunities” in America and my age also was a significant factor as my adoptive family saw me as too young to grieve.
Other members of the triad can also experience disenfranchised grief. For example, adoptive parents may experience disenfranchised grief with infertility issues and/or loss of genetic connection. Biological parents/first families may experience disenfranchised grief when they relinquish their rights as parents and others say “but you gave up your parenting rights, you made your choice.”
I think it’s safe to say, Disenfranchised grief touches all areas of the adoption network.
The loss of the right to grief is not limited to adoption either, it can be the loss of an ex-spouse or grieving close friends after a move. It could be a hidden loss such as an abortion or miscarriage. Grief can be the loss of an animal or a family relationship (ambiguous loss...is closely tied and will be discussed in a separate blog). Grief work can even be done when there are life transitions such as motherhood or loss of a job/career.
Grief is wide and affects us all throughout our lifespan. Grief is universal and only when we acknowledge it can we begin to re-enfranchise grief. Let’s let the healing begin.
**The term disenfranchised grief was created by Kenneth J. Doka, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology and counseling at the College of New Rochelle, a senior consultant to the Hospice Foundation of America, and the author of Grief is a Journey.
