Talking Loss and Feeling Loss are Two Different Things

I had repressed so much of the loss and the pain, that when I finally entered therapy and began talking about my struggles, I realized that I was very good at talking about my loss and not so good at feeling my loss.

I had told countless people the reasons why I didn’t speak good Spanish or why I didn’t know more about Peruvian traditions that it seemed to hold no emotional significance. Talking about the loss I had experienced was so normal, so routine, that I barely gave it a second thought.  I knew in my mind I had a tremendous loss but somehow my heart, my body would not grieve. 

As my therapist and I traveled deeper into my story, I noticed my body would hold back tears. Crying and showing emotions were not normalized in my family. I was often told to “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” I was taught from a young age to not only to stop showing emotion but expression of emotion, any emotion, was not allowed and not valued.

Early in my mental health career, I realized I was teaching mental wellness skills but I was not practicing them myself. I had always encouraged my clients to “let it out,” and not to put a “good or bad” label on emotions. I would always encourage them to listen to their bodies, listen to their heart and know that they are stronger for sharing and not keeping it inside.

It was time for me to take my own advice.

As I began my journey towards mental wellness and healing, I knew I must begin there. I must begin with challenging my belief system, my inner dialogue, and realize my childhood will replay it self out if I don’t take an active role in changing the cycle.

Crying is normal, crying is healthy, crying can help our bodies relieve the stress and express what our heart is feeling even when we don’t have words.

Fighting the stigma around mental health begins by normalizing the struggles and emotions that we face on a day to day basis.

We must free our selves from the belief that feelings are better experienced behind closed doors.